TOPIC: the process of buying real product online.
Version 1:
Version 1:
More people than ever
before history are using the Web to buy a wide variety of items from houses to
shoes. It is undeniable that there are too many advantages of buying online including:
price and feature comparison, more choice, privacy and security. However, some
people don’t still know the steps of buying a product online. Now online
shopping will be really easy if you do five following steps.
The first step in the
process of buying the product is to
decide to buy the product. This is not an easy decision for many people because
the fact that they both consider the financial situation and also have to
decide to buy the product online or offline. Moreover, there are many online
shops which sell the same product and I must choose the reliable web with many
promotion campaigns.
Second, if I buy the
specific product such as a Samsung mobile on the “ En bac” web, I will have to
register by filling the details when I making the first purchase. All of
information including name, email, telephone number, address and others is very
essential. Registering my details doesn’t
mean that payment details are included with such: these will be required
for every purchase.
Next, I order the product.
From “En bac” page, I will carry out my order by adding the product to the
basket I intend to buy. For example, I
search the Samsung galaxy Y and click its image. When I haven’t finished my
purchase, I will able to add others or even modify the quantity and then verify
the total price of my acquisitions. The full cost doesn’t include the delivery
rates which I view successively.
Fourth, I need to check
this Samsung mobile again with the suppliers and then choose payment method.
There are various methods of online payment that are used to buy products
online. Nevertheless, I prefer to pay by credit card.
The final step is
completing the order. I review the whole process as well as price, receiving
address, some special others. Then supplier carries out delivering the
Samsung mobile to me according to the order .
It can be seen that the
purchasing of the product will become really simple when you follow these
steps. Although buying online is a beneficial way, we should still be more
careful to avoid taking risks and have
the best decision .
Version 2:
Version 2:
More and more people than ever before are using the Web to buy a
wide variety of items from houses to shoes. It is undeniable that there are a
lot of advantages of buying online including: price and feature comparison,
more choice, privacy and security. However, some people don’t still know the
steps of buying a product online. Supposed that you wanted to buy a product at
Enbac website, it will be really easy if you carry out five following steps.
The first step in the process is to decide to buy the
product. This is not an easy decision for many people because the fact that
they both consider the financial situation and also have to decide to buy the product
online or offline. Moreover, there are many online shops which sell the same
product but Enbac is really reliable web which a larger number of shoppers in
Vietnam choose.
Second, if you buy a product at the “ En bac” web, you will have
to register by filling the details when making the first purchase. All of
information including name, email, telephone number, address and others is very
essential. Registering your details doesn’t mean that payment details are
included with such: these will be required for every purchase.
Next, order the product. From “En bac” page, you will carry out your
order by adding the product to the basket you intend to buy. For example,
you want to own a Samsung galaxy Y, you will have to search the name : “Samsung
galaxy Y” and click its image. When you haven’t finished your purchase, you
will able to add others or even modify the quantity and then verify the total
price of your acquisitions. The full cost doesn’t include the delivery rates
which you view successively.
Fourth, check the product with the suppliers and then choose
payment method. There are various methods of online payment that are used to
buy products online. Nevertheless, the preferable one is to pay by credit card.
The final step is completing the order. You should review the
whole process as well as price, receiving address, some special others. Then
suppliers carry out delivering the product to you according to the order.
It can be seen that the
purchasing of the product will become really simple when you follow these
steps. Although buying online is a beneficial way, you should still be more
careful to avoid taking risks and have the best decision
Hi there ,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading the esay, i have somecomments for you.
In the whole essay, your writing is structured in a clear organisation. However, your expressions have problem, some phrases are not needed and some sentences are somehow quite vague, also.The steps written here are very general, i don't quite understand what are you going to shop online in which site. The information needs to be more detailed.I mean that you should choose a particular website not the general website to write the process of shopping online. And one more thing is that , i think that you shouldn't write"I" in this kind of essay. This talks about how people shop online, not how you shop online.
These are my comments about your writing, i hope that it can help you to do the 2nd revise better.
Hi Gam,
ReplyDeleteFrom my perspective, you should specify your target website right in the introduction of your essay, because there are plenty of shopping online websites which people can choose to buy products. Make it more specific by choosing one site and later you will introduce steps to buy online on that site only.
Moreover, i have the same opinion with Linh. "I" is not recommended because it is necessary to make people feel that they are reading instructions for everyone, not your own experience when u buy online. I suggest you should pay attention to expressions also, because appropriate expressions will make your language more natural and show your language ability. I think those expressions should be corrected "More people than ever before history" (you can say more and more people than ever before, "there are too many advantages" (normally if you say "too many" it's negative, it is advisable to say "there are so many or a lot of..), "if you do five following steps" (take steps, not do), "because the fact that" (because OF the fact that), "when I making" ( when I make or when making).
I hope my comments will help you to write a better 2nd draft!