Bui Thi Xuan Huong_11E12
PROCESS ESSAY(Version 1)
Topic: Choose a real online service
on the Internet then write a process essay to instruct its customers how to
shop online on its site.
Shopping online now is the most
popular and convenient way for everyone to buy a product with many different
shopping websites. One of the most famous shopping websites in the world is
Amazon.com which sells a variety of products such as books, CDs, DVDs, video
games, electronics, furniture, toys, food and jewelry. People can buy products
on this site easily with some main below steps.
First, when you enter the Amazon.com
home page, you have to sign in to buy products with your account including your
e-mail address and password. If you are a new customer, click “ No, I’m a new
customer” then “ Sign in using secure server” to creat an account by filling
some information such as name, telephone number and the new password. After you
sign in, you will see a search box. If you are looking for a specific item,
type its name in this box, then all the matching results will be shown and you
can choose the product you want to buy. In another case that you want to browse
a category, click Shop All Departments at the top of its home page and select a
product category. Each store will offer its customized options to search and
browse.
The second stage is adding the item to
the Shopping cart. After getting to know the details of the product, you see a
box “Buy new” on the left. To change the quantity, enter a number to Quantity box and
then click “ Add to Cart”, it means that the item is added to the Shopping
Cart. In case you want to remove the item from the Shopping cart, click “Delete”.
Third, after you
have reviewed the items in your Shopping cart, you have to proceed to check out
and complete the order. To do that,
Click “Proceed to check out” then enter your address, choose a shipping method,
and enter your payment information. You should review your order’s details and
make sure that you have applied any Gift Cards or pomotional codes you want to
use on your order. Finally, click “Place your order” to finish the process.
It can be seen
that shopping on Amazon.com is not difficult if you follow three stages : Search and browse for items, add items
to the Shopping Cart and proceed to check out. Therefore, Amazon.com is always
the most convenient and reliable site for everyone to shop.
PROCESS ESSAY (Version 2)
Topic: Choose a real online service
on the Internet then write a process essay to instruct its customers how to
shop online on its site.
Shopping online now is the most
popular and convenient way for everyone to buy products with many different
shopping websites. To do the best shopping, however, people have to consider
what website is really reliable. It will be no problem when everyone knows
Amazon.com, one of the most famous shopping websites in the world, which sells
a variety of products such as books, CDs, DVDs, video games, electronics,
furniture, toys, food and jewelry. People can buy products on this site easily
with three main below steps.
First, when you enter the Amazon.com home
page, you have to sign in to buy products with your account including your
e-mail address and password. If you are a new customer, click “ No, I’m a new
customer” then “ Sign in using secure server” to create an account by filling
some information such as name, telephone number and the new password. After you
sign in, you will see a search box. In case that you are looking for a specific
item, type its name in this box, then all the matching results will be shown
and you can choose the product you want to buy. In another case that you want
to browse a category, click Shop All Departments at the top of its home page
and select a product category. Each store will offer its customized options to
search and browse.
The second stage is adding the
item to the Shopping cart. After getting to know the details of the product, you
see a box “Buy new” on the left. To change the quantity, enter a number to Quantity box and
then click “ Add to Cart”, it means that the item is added to the Shopping
Cart. If you want to remove the item from the Shopping cart, “Delete” is
helpful.
Third, after you have reviewed the
items in your Shopping cart, you have to proceed to check out and complete the
order. To do that, Click “Proceed to
check out” then enter your address, choose a shipping method, and enter your
payment information. You should review your order’s details and make sure that
you have applied some Gift Cards or promotional codes you want to use on your
order. Finally, click “Place your order” to finish the process.
It can be seen that shopping on
Amazon.com is not difficult if you follow three stages : search and browse for
items, add items to the Shopping Cart and proceed
to check out. Therefore, Amazon.com is always the most convenient and reliable
site for everyone to shop.
Hi Hương,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your process essay, I have some comments for you according to the peer review sheet. I will try my best to make it clear to you.
* Firstly, I would like to give my opinions about the content of your process essay:
- In the introduction, I think you planned the development very good. The background information of the website and all the items is also included to carry out this process smoothly and clearly. Just one small thing, I guess that if you tell the readers the exact number of step in this process, it'll be easier to follow the body.
- In the body:
+ All the steps are organized logically. You use complex sentences to explain all the steps effectively. However, there's one more thing you should consider. In the 2nd paragraph, you wrote: "If you are a new customer, click “ No, I’m a new customer” ......." and in the 4th paragraph, you wrote: "Third, after you have reviewed the items in your Shopping cart, you have to proceed to check out and complete the order. To do that, Click “Proceed to check out”...... " In my opinion, it will be easier to follow and understand if you avoid repeating the given words. In stead, try to modify them with synonym or express the idea in the different ways in order to explain in detail and include illustration for all the buyers.
+ It is a good idea when you explain the important of each step. The transitional sentences are used also (and you should use it in the 1st paragraph, too).
- In the conclusion: I think that it really enhances your essay. good work.
* Secondly, here are some grammar mistakes I guess you might make by accident. In detail:
- 1st paragraph: spelling mistake with "...to creat an account.." => create
- 3rd paragraph: You wrote "To change the quantity, enter a number to Quantity box and then click “ Add to Cart”, it means that the item is added to the Shopping Cart." In my opinion, you should split 2 clauses "To change the quantity, enter a number to Quantity box and then click “ Add to Cart”" and "it means that the item is added to the Shopping Cart." into 2 sentences, or you can use the transition between them to have the connection.
- 4th paragraph:
+ spelling mistake with "pomotional codes" => promotional codes
+ In the sentence: "You should review your order’s details and make sure that you have applied any Gift Cards or pomotional codes you want to use on your order." I think you should use "some" instead of "any".
That's all. I really hope that my comment will be helpful for you in the second version. Thanks for consider all my words, and sorry if I listed anything wrong with your writing. Overall, you did a very good job. Keep trying and make some improvement for your last version :D
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Huong, after reading your essay, I have some shortsighted comments for you.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, your introduction contains all the necessary elements so reader can follow it. However, I expect a better one which will be more interesting and attractive. In addition, you should provide us the number of steps
I have followed your instructions and found that there are some problems. If you using smart phone, what will happen? But of course, they are so detail and I think everyone can use your essay instead of Amazon’s.
Your conclusion has restated the thesis and wrap up the essay, it’s a good point. Another one is that you do not have mistakes in grammar or spelling. Beside, your transition should be clearer and more conjunctive.
I hope that your version 2 will be better and get high score. My comments can be useful for you or not. Thanks for reading, anyway ).
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete