Name: Hoàng
Thị Thùy
Class: 11E12
Topic: Choose a real online service
on the Internet, then write a process essay to instruct its customer how to
online in its sales.
Do you think that in modern life, the housewives do not spend much more time going shopping at the
markets, shops or supermarkets? Instead
of, they can stay at home and involve selling online websites to buy variety of
products such as home appliances, electronics, furniture or some types of
services. Vatgia.com is one of those websites. To purchase easily whatever you
want, you only follow three simple steps.
Firstly, you need to access to the
website by the link http://www.vatgia.com/home/.
After that, searching for the product by click the” Shop All Departments”
button at the top left corner on the homepage and browse through the catalogue.
You also can type specific product names or keywords in the “Search title and
description” box.
Secondly, you click on the product to
read the product information. Especially, with some kinds of products, it has a
comparative price system at ensuring booths in some big cities. After choosing
a booth that satisfies you, click the box “watch address” to go to product detail
page.
The final step is to make an order.
At product detail page, you can choose “Buy now”, log in, fill in the blank all
the inquired information such as information of the order and receiver, method
of payment, shipping and click “Continue”. If you choose the “add to shopping
trolley” button next to the product, it will be added for you. Then you choose
“Continue to buy” and comfortably select other products you want.
Notice that if you are a new
customer, you must to register for an account. It is very easy for you. And
before placing an order, remember to comfir all the information.
In conclusion, it can be said that
after finishing all above stages, you bought something you want easily and
conveniently via ‘vatgia.com’. I make sure your writing will be helpful for
you, especially for new online shoppers.
Version 2
Nowadays, in modern life, the
housewives do not spend much more time going shopping at the markets, shops or
supermarkets. Instead of this, they can stay at home and involve selling online
websites to buy lots of products such as home appliances, electronics,
furniture or some types of services. Vatgia.com is one of those websites. To
purchase easily whatever you want, you only follow three simple steps.
The first phase is to select the
products you want to purchase. You need to access to the website by the link http://www.vatgia.com/home/. After that,
click the” Shop All Departments” button at the top left corner on the homepage
and browse through the catalogue or type specific product names, keywords in
the “Search title and description” box to search for the products.
The second stage is to read the
product information by click the product you want. Especially, with some kinds
of products, it has a comparative price system at ensuring booths in some big
cities. After choosing a booth that satisfies you, click the box “watch
address” to go to product detail page.
The final step is to make an order.
At product detail page, you can choose “Buy now”, log in, fill in the blank all
the inquired information such as name, gender, address, telephone number,
method of payment, shipping and click “Continue”. If you choose the “add to
shopping trolley” button next to the product, it will be added for you. Then
you choose “Continue to buy” and comfortably select other products you want. Notice
that if you are a new customer, you must to register for an account comfirm all the information before ordering.
In conclusion, it can be said that
after finishing all above stages, you can buy something you want easily and
conveniently via ‘vatgia.com’. I hope that my writing will be helpful for you,
especially for new online shoppers.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Thuy,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'd like to say that I am really interested in your well organization writing. It includes sufficient parts as intro, body and conclusion. Especially, the process you have made is clear enough to follow as you devided the body part into three steps with obvious transitional sentences. However, there are some points should improve in your essay. First, you should not start an essay with a question. I don't know what you mean when you say "Instead of, they can stay", after "instead of" must be a phrase. In addition, I think you should add more detail about registering because it is the most complex step. Moreover, you have made a mistake in this sentence " I make sure your writing will be helpful for you", the subject and the object is the same, you should correct it in the next version.
That's all my opinion about your essay. I hope it would be helpful for you.
Best,
Quynh
Dear Thuy, Afet reading your essay, I'd like to give you some comment. Hope it can help you to improve quality in the second version.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, let's talk about the strong points.
- Your essay has a clear and balance organization. You divided the process into 3 steps and discribed each of them in the different paragraphs.
- you made very few spelling mistake. Good job !
- and I agree with Ngoc Anh's opinion that you have used the transition signal effectively.
- finally, your essay has enough information for a new buyer to understand. I'm sure that if a buyer never buy any product on "vatgia.com", after reading your essay, she will easily to make an order on this site.
However, there are some weak points in your essay.
- You have made some incorrect sentences such as
" After that, searching for the product by click the” Shop All Departments” button at the top left corner on the homepage and browse through the catalogue"
or "After choosing a booth that satisfies you, click the box “watch address” to go to product detail page.
" And before placing an order, remember to comfir all the information. "
I think the readers still understand your expression but these sentences is not suitable for an academic writing.
- Don't use " you" because the reader may feel that you are pointing at them.
- Some other grammartical mistake such as " must to register",
- " buy variety of product", do you think that pharse is true ?
There are my own opinion. May you have a better version.