Name: Lê Thị Lan
Class: 11e12
Process essay
Topic:
choose a real online service on the internet and write a process essay to
contruct its customers how to shop online on its sites
Verson1:
Nowadays, many businessman
established websites to serve interchange Showroom’s function is introduction
to everyone about businessman and information service necessary. They can open
some service to supply and merchandise exchange. For example, Golmart.vn,
Homemart, Baoha.com, Vneshop.com, Ebay.com. Thank to service above them help us
buying is fast anh save time. However,when
buy product by service online
sometimes not enough prestige will lead to receive bad quality product
so had better we need upon the steps followings.
The first stage begings when we buy
a product on the internet that is choosing a website suitable and hing service
quality. Moreover, it has to have enough prestige on real on the internet we
should read many nformations for service , information of product and selling
policy of businessman.
The next stage is buying,when the
finding information stops we will request order “what are you buy?” and “how are you chose colour,
size?” discuss about price and receive discount how to them. We may be cash settlement after receive
product or by on the internet.
Last of all, discussion about
feedback goods , next we have to check it which receive in interchanges. Buying
and selling by online service is effective,fast and price cheaper. Especially,
we don’t come to shop, store or enterprise so not lost time so much.
In conlusion, nealy real online
service is population with many advantages as save time,quickly and low price.
People are believed to use service more and more.
Version 2:
Nowadays, many businessman established websites to serve interchange showroom’s function is introduction to everyone about businessman and information service necessary.they can open services to supply and merchandise exchange. For example, Golmart.vn, Homemart, baoha.com, …. However, the real such as http://www.muaban.net is population and be people use real so much. The website contains introduction about it, provision of website and privacy policy. We can buy products essential on the internet by steps as follow:
The
first, you need to access to the website by the link http://www.muaban.net
. After that, you have to find your product which is
necessary and click at buying content to choose product. But you should read
all of information about product. Your products is the most quality, exactly of
size.
The
second, in the list, you click “price” refer cost of them and method payment
for your goods. Supplyers has have special offers with customers. Specific
customers will reduce or they can be offer gifts. In http://www.muaban.net,
you will
be choice a method to payment. It can be payment MBpay, ATM credid card, Internet
banking, SMS on the internet or at home.
The
next stage is mode of transport such as click at “home delivery”. “home
delivery” service will transport at home very fast and safe.
The
last, when you get product you should checked them. If your product is wrong,
you have to contact to person who is responsibility.
In
conclusion, nealy real online service is population with many advantages as
save time, quickly and low price http://www.muaban.net
helps you buy effective goods and
safe. So this website get people’s believe and many people use.
*Firstly, I think you need to choose 1 real website to write. You wrote quite general and vague.somehow, it is the essay about "The advice to avoid being defrauded (being lied)when buying online " ,and not focus on the topic we got.
ReplyDelete-basically, introduction contains some necessary elements.(background info, thesis)
-the body has 3 steps. the explanation for them is not very clear.the conclusion is quite ok but the last sentence need being improved.
-You made quite a lot of mistake as follow:
+ Grammar:"to introduction","thank to", "nformations", "how are you buy",etc
+ Spelling: "begings", "nformation",
- You should use "transitional sentences" between 3 paragraphs in the body to make the essay clearer.
--> In general, I think you have to pay more attention to your essay. It's better if you choose 1 selling online website and write about the steps we need to follow to buy 1 product from that.
Hi Lan, here are some of my comments about your process essay:
ReplyDelete1. About the introduction, it contains the necessary elements: background information, thesis and plan of development. However, I think your introduction is quite long.
2. Your essay is well-organized and easy to catch the idea. You use a variety of transition words. However, in my opinion, you should choose a defined website to describe the process of buying product online instead of describing the process for general website. It will make your instruction easier to follow.
3. The conclusion wrapped up the essay, but I think it didn’t restate the thesis statement
4. In your essay, there are many mistakes about grammar, spelling:
• “many businessman established websites to serve interchange Showroom’s function is introduction to everyone about businessman and information service necessary” => I think this sentence should be divided into 2 sentences.
• open some service(s)
• “Thank to service above them help us buying is fast anh save time” => it has to be parallel. The grammar of this sentence is wrong.
• “begings, hing, many nformations” => spelling
• “after receive( receiving) product or by on the internet.” => I think this point is not relevant with the previous point: “We may be cash settlement after receive product.”
• “Buying and selling by online service is effective,fast and price cheaper” => it is not parallel.
• “ In conlusion, nealy real online service is population with many advantages as save time,quickly and low price. People are believed to use service more and more” => grammar is wrong.
For the whole essay, I think you should pay more attentions to grammar. You shouldn’t use the complex structure if you are not sure about it. And you should avoid using “word by word” way to express your idea in academic writing as well as in English. I have highlighted some mistakes in your essay.
I hope that my feedback will help you improve your writing in the next essay. Keep practicing!